Wear whatever you want, ladies and gentlemen, but not how and when you want.

Giorgia Meloni flies like a rocket. In the viral video of her statement at the NATO summit, her face is the moving gut of a Boeing 747. Watch it. You'll see I'm not lying. Her face fills with sudden, frog-like ocular mutations, with eyes open as if breathing through them. Jaws are dislocated. Teeth that are eager and rub against each other. Scrambled words. Nasal dances, more jota than sardana, send her pipes bouncing from side to side. The short film has it all.

Giorgia hasn't commented on the matter. I doubt she will. And if it does, it will come out with the excuse of reflux. Perhaps, as a parachute, with the wild card of mental health. Stress. Anxiety . In desperation, she might even associate it with a disfigurement from too much caffeine. An espresso binge.

But those of us who have resisted the morning apocalypse of the after-parties We know. We know the nature of the hydrocarbon bubbling through your bloodstream. A high octane rating. Premium. Snowfalls of perfect flakes in the middle of June? Absolutely. And it seems logical to me, even desirable, because if even world leaders resort to bargain camels, what hope is there for the rest of us?

In Spain, we're not short of similar spectacles. Errejonejo , now totally missing , with a skill for camouflage on par with Wally or Mortadelo , gave more than one public appearance to the facial effects of his escapades. They never seemed worthy of scrutiny and inquisitorial judgment. Although I admit I felt like giving him a sobering slap on the wrist, a maternal corrective, telling him not to go on an uncontrolled spree if you have to work the next day. Damn, Íñigo, Spain is a country of gestures . A little composure.

If world leaders resort to bargain camels, what hope is left for the rest of us?

However, he has not been the only one.

I'll tell you more. I think one of the reasons for the divorce between Podemos and Más Madrid was a breakup over drugs . Potheads versus cocaine users . Maybe even some ketamine or shaped-pills adventurer. It's a guess, but I see some basis for it. Perhaps they'll reveal it in the biographies—surely underway—of both sides.

Narcopolitics governs part of the ruling elite . It's a fact. I've seen tribunes of all stripes—brown, blue, or purple—stroking their nucleus accumbens with relaxing and stimulating drugs . I've watched them ingest lines as thick as executioner's rope and smoke an entire room with cannabis sandalwood sticks.

In defense of those I remember, I will say that they did so under the cover of the deepest darkness. In the most civil of their roles, far removed from political responsibilities.

I think one of the reasons for the divorce between Podemos and Más Madrid was a breakup over drugs.

I understand that our leaders, in their divine providence and humanism, delve into the alteration of their consciousness to empathize with the masses. And lacking opportunities to campaign in drug dens and pubs crowded with scoundrels, they organize themselves into small committees, offices, or safe houses, to learn about the vices of the people.

We're human, aren't we? What's wrong with unclogging the pipes from Easter to Palm Sunday? Perk up your nostrils a little. Decriminalize, by example, a popular custom . Assuming that politicians are human humanizes their work.

It's another matter to take souvenirs to international summits and rallies, or to finance lavish gambling with public funds . That, your honor, is unforgivable. You can't put the dealer on the payroll with subsidies, as some would say. And that's not even mentioning public image, which is another big issue.

My prayers go out to poor Simón Pérez and Silvia Charro . The damned of the "fixed-term mortgages," who recorded a video for Periodista Digital in a state not much more revealing than Meloni at the NATO summit. They were sweatier, yes. More erratic. And they were braver in completing the recording despite their flamenco jaws . But worse things have been seen.

Today, years later, they're broadcasting, live, a decadence that will take them to their graves. They smoke crack at the command of anonymous sadists who pay, like in Squid Game , to watch their self-destruction online . A spiral of filth in which they're immersed, and which began with a video, as I say, no more scandalous than that of certain leaders.

Hence, politicians must strive to be more tactful, empathetic, and decent. Even more sensible—what crazy things I can think of, right?—because, in their devious nature, they don't abandon their seats, or the associated privileges, for things that cost others their jobs, their reputations, and perhaps even their skin.

The superstition of seeing politicians as a remedy for the irreproachable, rather than a mistake, is unconvincing. The thuggish trio of Koldo, Santos, and Ábalos , with their liberating network of prostitutes and their policies of integrating former brothel workers into the public service, are the most recent example. A curious abolitionist strategy that reveals, I'd say, the worst of this whole drug, sex, and politicking business : the self-righteous audacity.

That parliamentary officials are lavish, as my grandmother used to say with horrendous presumption, isn't half as serious a blow to me as their ineptitude, their mediocrity, their cainism, and their lying sermons, sometimes riddled with moralizing. That's what really gets me: their salon hypocrisy. The pointing finger, the indignation, and the judgment, followed by their corruption . Proselytizing for curial absenteeism only to then act like the Greeks.

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No need to name names . We can all think of one.

The anxiety of the seats and the negative influences surrounding us make it easy to slip into this trap. Whether eating out of a glass, breathing smoke, or sniffing chemicals, their lordships have the same weak flesh as everyone else. That's why making Manichean demands only leads us to the same dead end. To silence. To throwing stones and hiding our hands, always playing at misdirection.

Therefore, and without making an apology for drugs , since they're going to get them anyway, the least they can do is do it with elegance and style? I don't give a damn about what they enjoy in their free time, as long as it doesn't affect the responsibilities of their office or come from my tax dollars.

But receiving a vote is receiving a commitment. The bare minimum; that during a press conference, seriousness be displayed, not the body language of a raver at dawn. A how and a when, that's all I ask. And not a lecture on good manners, moments before the speech is delivered through the arch of Congress.

Not that way, ladies and gentlemen, really, not that way at all...