Lorde’s ‘Favourite Daughter’ Lyrics Are a Heartbreaking Love Letter to Her Mom (and Her Fans)

When Lorde said her new album, Virgin, was about rebirth, I didn’t realize it would also be so much about her mom. But I guess it makes sense—no one comes into this world alone. Lorde can’t sing about being born again without acknowledging the one who birthed her first.

Her mother’s imprint is all over the album, from Lorde crying out, “Mama, I’m so scared,” in “Current Affairs” to mentions of “my mama’s trauma” in “GRWM.” You could even argue that her mom, Sonja Yelich, a poet (!), even inspired the singer’s style of songwriting. But her influence is deepest on “Favourite Daughter,” in which Lorde sings about their relationship and her quest to make her proud, even if it took a toll on her. Lines like “Breaking my back just so you’ll say that I’m a star” and “Panic attack just to be your favourite daughter” are not only gutting, but also relatable, especially for women.

Lorde has a special talent for capturing the distinct feelings of coming of age, no matter what age that is. She’s depicted various stages of her life vividly in her music, from gritty teenagedom in Pure Heroine to a life-changing heartbreak in Melodrama. As the now 28-year-old enters her Saturn return, Virgin, too, is emblematic of an era: your late 20s. They always say you’ll understand your mother as you get older; and this is probably the time when it starts to hit hard. You’re drifting farther from the highs of adolescence and becoming what they call “a grown-up,” entering new stages of your career and relationships, and thinking more seriously about your future. With the prospect of motherhood or settling down on the horizon (if that’s your plan), it’s likely you’ll start to see life through the eyes of your mom—or maybe who she was at your age. After an exhausting day at work, you see why she might’ve snapped at you for small mistakes. After a heated argument, you might wonder if she could’ve had the same exchange with her own mother. Maybe it’s not full forgiveness, but it is empathy.

And Lorde has plenty of empathy for her mother on Virgin. Even as she vents in “Favourite Daughter,” she praises her mom’s bravery and support, pays homage to her late brother, and notes how her own achievements might’ve been overlooked. (“Why did no one listen when you hit the notes from your heart?”) Jumping ahead to “Clearblue,” she nods to her mom’s own generational struggles: “There’s broken blood in me, it passed through my mother from her mother down to me.”

“Favourite Daughter” “came from very, very deep in me,” Lorde told Zane Lowe in her Apple Music interview, and her mother received the song well. “And honestly, it’s been really beautiful for me and my mom, being able to make that expression and just the way that she received it and the conversations that it’s made us have, and we’ve never been closer,” she added.

Lorde also revealed that with Virgin, “I feel this channel open with my mom, because I mention her constantly on the album. I’ve never had more empathy and understanding for my mother and her mother and her mother, the sort of lineage of women who have made me what I am. I feel like I came into some real understanding about femininity and womanhood generally, that it really feels like a kind of love letter to my mom in a lot of ways.”

Lorde and her mother, Sonja Yelich, attend the 2017 Billboard Music Awards.

Like all things Lorde, this song is layered. It’s not just aimed at one person, but “a composite of people and moments that have kind of brought up a certain feeling for me,” she told Lowe. “As much as it’s about my mom, when I’m saying, ‘All the medals I won for you, breaking my back to be your favorite daughter,’ I felt that I was also singing to an audience.”

Those feelings about “wanting so badly to be loved and to get this approval and to be the favorite” also apply to being an artist in the public eye. It’s quite poignant from a musician whose last album (Solar Power) was brushed aside by the public. Lorde said it was “moving” that while she was singing about her “foremost idol,” she was also singing about the pressures of being thrust into the spotlight at 16.

As Lorde said, “Favourite Daughter” is a love letter, but it also doesn’t cover up the flaws. It just might inspire listeners to express their own feelings toward their mothers, even if there’s no guarantee they’ll be met with the same warmth. And for those of us who can’t, because of our own nuanced family dynamics, listening to a song like this is perhaps enough solace, knowing that someone has been through the same thing and emerged on the other side reborn.

Read the full lyrics to “Favourite Daughter” below, courtesy of Genius.

[Intro]Ah[Verse 1]I was a singerYou were my fanWhen no one gave a damnIt was you in the darkScared of your angerIn love with your whimSome notes I don’t hitBut I don’t give up[Pre-Chorus]Now every day the plane takes offAnd every night the room fills up withPeople who are convinced I’m notJust some kid fakin’ it for your love[Chorus]’Cause I’m an actress, all of the medals I won for yaBreaking my back just to be your favourite daughterEverywhere I run, I’m always runnin’ to yaBreaking my back just hoping you’ll say I’m a star[Verse 2]You had a brother, I look like himYou told us as kids“He diеd of a broken heart”And for evеry door you openThere’s a room I can’t go inI break in, I still can’t find you[Pre-Chorus]Now that every day the plane takes offAnd every night the room fills upI tell myself that soon we’ll talkThen I sing every word just to ya[Chorus]’Cause I’m an actress, all of the medals I won for yaPanic attack just to be your favourite daughterEverywhere I run, I’m always runnin’ to yaBreaking my back to carry the weight of your heart[Bridge]But I keep dancing till I get sickWhy’d you have to dream so big?Why did no one listen when you hit the notes from your heart?Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah[Chorus]I’m a good actress, look at the medals I won for yaSo you could imagine being a favourite daughterEverywhere I run, I’m always runnin’ to ya

Breaking my back just to be as brave as my mother