And Climáximo going to breathe some macho air?

A weekend of intense emotions is coming! And it is guaranteed to come, because CP services are not used on weekends. Therefore, the weekend will arrive and it will arrive on time, just like a Japanese train. In other words, it is more like a notice from the Tax Office to pay VAT, especially since Portuguese trains have that legendary problem with the gauge.

Speaking of gauge, on Saturday we will have our heads in the consecration of the winners of the League, and on Sunday we will have our heads in the consecration of some ties in the government. Always rooting, of course, for the outcome in which, one day, the reds enter history with a great championship victory, and the next day the reds leave Parliament with a great victory for democracy.

Let me dream, like a CP user fantasizing about rolling stock in circulation. Instead of what we have, which circulates, by special favor, in the brief intervals of the eternal negotiations for salary increases between the 3,079 unions and the countless governments that have no way of solving this problem. Which is a very interesting problem: unions and government decide, without the taxpayer having a say, how much more of their money will go to pay salaries in a company that does not provide a service for which taxpayers have already paid by paying taxes and purchasing the pass, money that will never be reimbursed to them. Did I say that the problem is “interesting”? “Unspeakable” was the word I intended. Sometimes, with my nerves, I get confused.

In these cases, what helps me calm down is to anticipate SLB's 39th goal. There, I'm calmer now. It's automatic, you should try it. I mean, I'm also calmer because, these days, the green has had enough prominence. Namely in the form of that powder that a Climáximo activist threw at the leader of the Liberal Initiative, Rui Rocha. In what has already been considered, by the international press, the most depressing throw in history, excluding throws in the context of dwarf throwing competitions. A throw that, by the way, proved the famous popular saying: “Seitã doesn't pull a cart.”

Seriously, the young Climáximo activists, who always look so limp, should take better care of their health. Look, they could start by getting some fresh air. The perfect way to restore their testosterone levels would be to get on one of Jeff Bezos' jet-powered phalluses – there's all the symbolism in that and all – and go get some fresh air in the machosphere, to restore their levels a bit.

But just a little, because, as Diana Pinto, from the Portuguese Platform for Women's Rights, points out, with regard to the machosphere, “reactionary and patriarchal digital cultures” are creating “new generations that promote distorted ideas about intimacy, consent, mutual pleasure and equality”. Without a doubt. And more. Do you know what really gives the patriarchal culture of the machosphere a boost? The whoredomsphere. Yes, because if men and women are indistinguishable, why shouldn't women imitate the most regrettable male behaviours when it comes to “distorted ideas about intimacy, consent, mutual pleasure and equality” ? It almost seems that this stupendous female emancipation, in which women adopt the most extreme male behaviours in relation to sex, is the wet dream of the most radically macho men, right? Who would have thought?

The only reason this isn’t more worrying is because, despite everything, this macho phenomenon is extremely limited. As expert Diana Pinto carefully points out, the problem is “reactionary and patriarchal digital cultures”. “Digital” cultures. Not “analog” cultures, the kind that are spreading like wildfire across Europe, driven by the uncontrolled immigration of millions of young men from cultures for which “women’s rights” is a concept almost as absurd as “Inspired by Japanese rigour, CP redefines the operation of trains in a combination of extreme efficiency, punctuality, technological innovation and respect for the user.”

Follow me on Facebook (@tiagodoresoproprio) and Instagram (@tiagodoresoproprio)